Lemon on a Wound

Received an EOB from the insurance company and my visit to the hospital during the complications of the miscarriage were denied. Why?

Because the code used (by the Catholic Hospital?) was for an abortion. 

Seriously.


 

Costume Request

About a month ago I asked Sam, "Do you know what Halloween is?" fully expecting to explain the holiday traditions to her.

"Yep, I was a unicorn yesterday and you say 'trick or treat!' and you get lots and lots of candy!"

She must be part elephant or something.

Anyway, the next step was to talk costume.  After realizing she was now too small to fit in the infamous unicorn costume that my mom has, she declared that she wanted to be an orange kitty.

"How about a black kitty?" I suggested

"No.  I want to be an orange kitty."  Damn.  This has been her favorite color for over 2 years now and she is always insistent on everything being this color.  She was quite upset when she discovered her newly painted bedroom was purple and not orange.  Orange orange orange.

So, orange kitty costume it was.  I spent over an hour at a used kid's clothing sale trying to find anything orange.  Nothing in the girl's section, that's for sure, so I had to dig through the boys.  In the end I picked out the top from one outfit to be worn inside-out and pants from another.  I bought the ears and tail and the paws are black socks.

Violá- an orange kitty!

She wouldn't let go of the tail.

Would a collar with a bell be too much?

Random bits of Arkansas

I guess you can take the girl out of the south, but not the south out of the girl.

Sad Day

Yesterday most definitely did not go as planned.  I had taken the day off due to a 4-day long head/ear ache but when I woke up in the morning I felt great.  Since I had spend 90 minutes the night before with a splitting headache planning for the sub, I decided to just use the day to get ahead on grading and planning.  We had our appointment to hear the heartbeat at 11:30.  I picked up Amanda and Jeremy but when our appt was to start, our midwife went off to catch a baby.  I told the nurse that I didn't want to leave until I heard the heartbeat so we waited another hour before they could get me in.  Being 12 weeks, when they couldn't immediately find the heartbeat, I was worried.  My fears from the past 3 weeks were coming true.  But I hadn't felt any pain nor had any bleeding, so that was my hope.  My midwife came back to do a quick ultrasound but couldn't find anything, but told us that she was not a tech and she wanted us to have a real sonographer do an ultrasound.  The other office just had a cancellation so they got us in right away. 

I think the most painful part was going through the ultrasound and not seeing a baby and the ultrasound tech using very vague language ("I see your uterus and I see things in it").  I knew she wasn't able to tell us anything but I also am not stupid.  I know what a 12 week ultrasound should look like, and I was not seeing it.  I know what the screen looks like when you search for a heartbeat, and it was flat.  All I wanted was for all the false hope to stop.  I'd much rather have good news after being distraught than be given false hope to only be devastated later.  But when the ultrasound tech finally said, "You doing ok?" I finally knew it was true.  We had lost our baby, even though my body was refusing to recognize it.  

Yesterday did not go as planned, that is true, but today the sun came up and we are closer as a family than we were yesterday.  This loss has healed a lot between Jeremy and myself and I have to remind myself that although time seems to be going at a snails pace now, it will have flown when I look back later.

When I woke up this morning there was a blanket of peace that was laying over our household.  Samantha miraculously slept through the night and we are all in much better spirits (although Sam is insisting that the baby is still growing, just in her tummy.)  I don't know how anyone gets through these tough times without a community that showers you with prayer.  We experienced it when Jeremy was sick this year and we are experiencing it now.  I have all the head knowledge, but I have a very hard time feeling God.  But during these moments I am given a glimpse of the ocean of His love and the comfort it can bring.
 

Sam on being a big sister

"Samantha, hands off the knives."

"I'm a big sister now, so I can't cut myself." 

Sam in Church

"Wow, mommy, you're boobies are getting bigger and bigger!  And your tummy too!  I can punch the baby!"

 

Luckily we were in the middle of the response of the psalm and you could only slightly hear her over the music.

In the Know

Today (8/18) was quite an agonizing day.  The fifth in a row, to be exact.  Because for five days I've been testing and getting a big fat negative,* even though all signs were indicating the opposite.  So this morning I decided to splurge and get one of the early testing strips (First Response) and it told me what Jeremy claimed to have known for the past 3 days- we're expecting again!

This comes as a great relief and answer to prayers.  Relief because we weren't sure if we'd be able to conceive due to all of the complications Jeremy had.  Answer to prayers because I'll get four months at home with this one due to the "perfect" timing (end of April)!

I haven't told my students yet, any suggestions?  I was thinking a t-shirt with "baby on board" in Spanish, or playing hang man with them....but I'm open for any other suggestions!

Finally, I'm post dating this so that we will be a little further along when it becomes blog worthy, but I ask that if you are reading this that you do not say anything on facebook.  If you've been a loyal reader, you're "in the know" so please keep it in the blog-o-sphere :)


*I later tried the same test again and after talking with Jeremy in the bathroom for a few minutes I noticed that what I had thought was yet another negative was slowing showing up as a positive...Jeremy laughed hysterically at me saying, "Well if that wasn't God teaching you patience, I don't know what is!" as I looked in the trash to discover that every single thrown away pregnancy test from the past week had been positive...I guess for the dollar tree one's you really do need to wait the full 2 minutes...

_________________________________________________________________________________________________

Today (9/2) has been frustrating to say the least.  If it's not Samantha using "the ladies" as handles to pull herself onto my lap that makes me writhe in pain and scare her, it's seeing her take a bite of a very ripe banana that makes me sprint to the bathroom and gag/dry heave in the sink.  Poor thing has no idea what's going on, only that Mommy is always "too tired" or "doesn't feel well".  We are waiting until late September to tell her and I know she'll be super excited!  With many of my friends having had babies recently I think she vaguely grasps the connection of babies growing and coming out of a mother.  We'll see how she handles the new one when he/she does finally arrive!

Sam being a goob.

Me standing up straight.  Which, sadly, takes a lot of focus for me.

_________________________________________________________________________________

9/10
So something new for me in the pregnancy experience- nausea.  Does that mean boy? 
Either way, I'm getting tired of it as it's only when I see/think of certain foods.  The one that has really bothered me recently is my adversion to coffee.  Seriously child?  I'm exhausted.  This was my one way to guarantee to make it through the day.  Anyway, I feel like I'm the worst mom ever these days, but I'm hoping Oct 10th I'll get my energey back (or there abouts).  That's when I "woke-up" while pregnant with Sam.  Maybe then I'll start folding laundry and packing my lunch the night before and remember to brush my child's teeth.