Eating Woes

I should totally be working right now but I need to complain vent.  I know I'm sooooo blessed that adding wheat back into my diet was a success.  It brought our food "budget" back down to the normal range. I was really hoping to be able to add back in one more food.  I've currently been off dairy, beef, soy, corn, egg and nuts since November.  I really wish I didn't like eating so much.  And it doesn't help that I have to do it all. the. time.  And it's what Americans to do celebrate everything.  I chose to be anti-social during Catholic schools week simply because it was too hard to be around all that food that I can't have.  I'm fine if I'm not around it.  But the stress of it gets to me when  there are amazing desserts and delicious meals being passed around.  I wish I was stronger or a better person but I'm not.  And I get resentful when I see others enjoying the food and then I have to explain myself.  Because if I don't they think I'm on a diet for weigh-losing purposes.  Or they've never met someone whose baby is MSPI and has tons of questions.  Which I'm happy to answer, just not while you're stuffing your mouth with stuff I really would like to gorge on. 

And then there's the whole sharing end of things.  Healthy junk food is delicious, people.  And everyone else wants it too.  The problem is 1)I'm the only one who makes it and the time I have to do so it rare and 2) coconut oil, flax meal and other essential ingredients are EXPENSIVE.  So I break down and cry when the teenager in the house eats my dessert for breakfast (because they are fast and "have sugar, so it's a good breakfast"- seriously, where does he get these ideas from?!-) or eats my hummus and pepperoni pizza for breakfast (because it was something "new" that Jeremy had made..."new" as in he'd not noticed the 50 other times Jeremy had made it for me).  Or the four-year-old who wants to eat MY chocolate covered pretzles because the ice cream and candy she has aren't good enough.  And that just comes off as being selfish.  But is it?  I'm really limited on what I can eat, does that mean I have to give what I'm eating away because it's a novelty to those who can eat everything else in the house?  I'm so conflicted.  There's sacrificing, and then there's survival.  That's a really hard ballance.

Anyway, I tried soy this weekend and it was a bust.  Face/butt rash, fussiness, poops- the whole shibang.  Of course it could be partially due to the second tooth, but if that's the case, I just need to lay off trying new foods while she's already miserable.

We're thinking of trying beef next.  But I'm not sure when.

So what DO you eat?!

Contrary to what most think when they hear all that I've elimated (dairy/soy/beef/corn/egg/nuts/fish/wheat/gluten), I do eat and am rarely hungry or looking for variety.  The day I went on the diet my husband and I filled the kitchen and fridge with food for me.  The following is what I have on my menu:

Wrap-up of some sort- currently with hummus, Newman's Own Olive Oil and Vinegar dressing, avocado, deli-meat, lettuce and tomato.  I had a heck of a time finding something that was corn AND egg free to hold what I wanted to eat together.  I found this recipe which I tried tonight.  They taste wonderful but it's a lot of work.  Then there are Paleo Wraps, which I ordered and had to take a loan out just to have them shipped (shipping was three times the price of the wraps.  I would have bought the bulk package, but I just wanted to try them first!)

Food For Life's granola with rice milk- this is usually my breakfast.  It's really hard not to eat three or four bowls.  I just remind myself of the price for one bag and that usually helps me to stop.

Rice Chex with rice milk- this is my dessert usually.  How is this sweet enough?  I always  usually douse it with sugar.

Homemade Granola bars - kind of cookie-like, but they fill me up if I need something quick.  Coconut oil makes them crunchier, canola oil chewier (and slightly greasier). It's still a recipe in progress...

Granola recipe, click to enlarge

Sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds mixed together- I put them in a container in the car to help curb any hunger while out and about

Potatoes- the possibilities are endless, but Jeremy will make his hashbrowns (using bacon grease-yum!), I do a basic baked potato, potato fries, what we call Ralph's potatoes (red potatoes, butter/butter substitute, garlic salt and parsley- mix in the microwave until fork tender), mashed potatoes, etc

Spaghetti sauce with rice pasta- one of my main staples.  Jeremy will make a HUGE batch and freeze it.  Lasts me about a week :)

Jeremy's famous Spaghetti sauce recipe- click to enlarge

Pork chops- I get them when they are 10/$10 with .10 off per gallon.  Jeremy will cook up a bunch of them for me and I eat them hot or cold.  Samantha likes them too-sometimes for breakfast.

Rice- I prefer brown rice.  I use Alton Brown's recipe with olive oil, double it and freeze it.  I eat this with my pork chops a lot of the time.

Broccoli/green beans/asparagus- all sauteed with olive oil and garlic salt.  Jeremy prefers to boil the broccoli

Pork Butt- Jeremy made an amazing bone-in pork butt roast tonight.  With the fat side up, salt it sprinkle with pepper, parsley and oregano.  Rest on top 1/2 onion, 1/2 clove crushed garlic, 3-4 medium carrots, 2-3 sticks of celery, cook in pressure cooker for 1.5 hrs (from frozen state) or in a crock-pot until it falls apart.  We (as in I ate the same thing as the rest of the family!!!) ate it with Ralph's potatoes and broccoli.

Imagine brand's soups with diced avocado- not all of them are safe, but the potato &leek and black bean are safe. 

Trader Joe's soups- the ORGANIC butternut squash is safe- a few others too I'm sure, they just didn't appeal to me.

Canned fruit/fuit leather

Sliced apple with sunbutter

Chicken thighs- I think Jeremy just seasons and broils them


Chocolate oatmeal bars

Peanut Butter Chocolate Oatmeal bars- click to enlarge

Quinoa- I haven't actually made it yet.  But I have it sitting on the shelf to be made here soon.  I'd take suggestions on recipes, but I think I'm just going to cook it up and eat it with my butter.

Potato pops dipped in hummus

Bacon- yum...I add it to whatever I can or just eat it when it is rationed out.  Bacon is a comodity in our house.

Salad- with Newman's Own Olive Oil and Vinegar dressing, carrots, avocado, celery, sunflower seeds, tomato, etc...
____________________________________________________________________________

That's all I can think of for now.  I think I'll be able to add egg into my diet soon (I was never suspicious of it, but took it out just in case).  If it's ok, the possibilities are endless- bread! mayo! real tortillas! fried rice!

Fighting off Colic Update

Reflux: Let me just say that I have hated giving her the medicine from the beginning.  Not only do I not like medicating my baby, but I hate the process of giving it to her as well.  I felt like I was drowning her every time, and even though I was only giving her .85ml it was still a five minute ordeal (which seemed like eternity).  The fact that I had to do it twice a day was even worse.  As a sleep deprived mom who doesn't function well on no-sleep, there wasn't really any differenciation between night and day so it felt like I was giving it to her all the time.  I wasn't very disciplined about giving it to her when I didn't see the total turn around I was hoping for.  Sure her congestion finally cleared up, but she was still fussy.  I was giving it to her here and there and at one point broke down and asked Jeremy to take one of the doses each day (I was trying to be supermom and do everything by myself, because I CAN DO IT ALL!!)  When I had decided to go off all the major allergy foods (explained below) I had hoped that I could stop giving her the meds.  But when her one four hour stretch at night disappeared (my only link to sanity) I nixed that theory and made a vow never to miss another dose.  And here we are, giving her 1/4tsp twice a day with no problems (I mix it with my milk and it goes down much easier).

 

Food Allergy: So I gave up dairy and soy when I was 38 weeks pregnant.  Two weeks ago I gave up corn.  She had a rash that started on her cheeks and it had slowly spread to her neck and head.  The day it started rapidly working it's way down her torso helped me to make the commitment to nix all the top culprits in food allergies.  When I had given up corn I was wondering every day if it was really making a difference.  I was constantly asking Jeremy, "Do you think it's getting better?' 24 hours after taking out wheat/gluten, nuts, eggs, beef and fish the rash on her stomach was GONE. She still had the remains of it on her face and head (it had gotten so bad part of it had started to bleed) but there was a huge improvement to keep me motivated.  I do attribute part of that quick healing to a desperate plea to St. Padre Pio to pray for us, but that didn't stop me from staying on the diet. 

 

That was on a Monday.  She was still fussy and not sleeping Monday, and Tuesday was a particularly tiring day.  Then Wednesday came and she slept ALL DAY.  Literally.  She would stir to eat but never opened her eyes- just went back into her "coma".  She finally woke up at 5pm to blow out of her diaper, smiled for a bit, and then went back to sleep.  That night she nursed alllllll night.  Thursday she did the same thing, but with a few hours of HAPPY awake time.  I was actually able to put her down and she'd quietly watch me or whomever was near her.  She didn't go to sleep for the night until 1am, but I think that's because her internal clock was wacked due to sleeping for two days straight. 

 

Thursday evening her stools were finally without mucus and a nice mustard yellow.  I had to show it to my mom just to be sure, as I'd never seen a healthy baby poop before- Sam's ALWAYs had mucus in it and was usually green (both signs of irritation and digested blood...looking back I should have gone on this diet for her too).  Today (Friday) she fought her morning nap for about 15 minutes, but after she went down for good she slept for most of the morning and afternoon, sleeping in the car, at a funeral and in the boba while Samantha and I went grocery shopping.  Two of her naps were in her rock n play while unswaddled!



Watching her big sis play with her toys for her.

Such happy girls! They were like this for a good 1/2 hour.

Diaper Rash: My poor children have the most sensitive skin.  Charlotte had a really bad diaper rash that got so inflamed one night that I was doing everything and anything that I could find on the internet to stop her incesant screams of pain- baking soda bath, coconut oil, jock-itch cream, calendula cream, bag balm, air dry, cloth diaper, different brand of diaper.  In the end the rash calmed down enough for her to relax after the baking soda bath and a layer of cream (I don't remember which) and bag balm.  We had to use the jock-itch cream for the yeast part of it for a few days and I made my own wipes from paper towels to start using.  It's finally under control and we don't have to put anything on her between changes, but I can't use store bought wipes, even for just ONE change.  ONE use and she gets a chemical burn.  It took two times, but I've finally learned my lesson. 

Other random changes: 
She doesn't squirm and jerk in her sleep anymore. 
She burps!! She would never burp before, just swallow it down and make it come out the other end.
She poops without a 15 minute long "announcement" before hand of fussing and yelling at whomever is nearby. 
She eats without fighting me.  I even got a couple boobie smiles this week, which are my FAVORITE part of nursing.  Forget the nutritional and bonding benefits, I love nursing soley for those special smiles.  There's nothing like it!

That's all for now.  I'm hoping to finally enjoy some of my maternity leave...all nine days that I have left.

Samantha's Hospital Visit

That's right. Sam's.  Not the 38+ week pregnant mother.  Very confusing for my students when I returned today, let me tell you.

Samantha had her first migraine in seven months on Sunday.  It was the longest stretch we've ever had, but it was a doozy.  We were at Pius and she was running up and down and up and down and up and down the hallway (her favorite thing to do there).  At 6pm I suddenly I heard a scream, walked out and saw her curled up in a ball on the floor.  "I HAVE A MIGRAINE!" she cried. 

Hoping against hope I tried the usual, "Let me see" and "open your eyes" and "stand up please" to see if she was faking it (she's four and likes to experiment sometimes).  Unfortunately this was for real. 

Luckily, I had her meds with me so I was able to give those to her, but she had to wait for me as I locked up all the doors in the building that I had unlocked.  I tried to explain to her that I couldn't carry her, but after her begging, "Just call Daddy so he can carry me, please, please please!" I decided to risk it and carried her to the van with her eyes buried deep into my shoulder.  I had to leave my room a disaster, with all of her crafts on the floor and my papers on my desk, but we made it home before the vomiting started. 

She was able to settle in her dark room and started the usual routine. 

Jeremy took the night shift to wait out the migraine and I went to bed, hoping she'd be better by morning.  It really is a waiting game.  We're suppose to give her zofran, ibuprofen and then hydrate her up with gatorade.  But this time she'd started the migraine a little dehydrated to begin with and so the vomiting wasn't very productive.

At 1am Jeremy woke me up to tell me that he was taking her to the ER because she was vomiting  every 10 minutes and there was blood. 

Now, I'm not very coherent on a regular day when I'm woken-up.  So waking up to hear this I was a complete mess.  Do I go?  Do I stay?  I'm 9 months pregnant.  Not sleeping could cause labor and then there would be TWO of us in the hospital.  My classroom.  Even with a sub they can't have class in the condition it's in. 

I called my mom bawling and she said she'd go to the hospital to be with Samantha and I was to stay home and try and sleep. 

Which lead to me calling my department head bawling and about not coming in and not having anything for the kids the next day and my room being a disaster (this may sound petty, but my teacher friends can understand- right?).  Being the absolute best boss in the world she said they'd take care of it and to keep her updated (my whole department spent the time before school in my room getting things all set up for my sub.  Seriously, I don't deserve them.)

After bawling some more and waking up a little I realized I couldn't NOT be at the hospital.  Good grief, what was I thinking!  So I called my mom sobbing and she said she'd leave to come get me, as I was "in no condition to drive". 

When I got to the hospital my poor baby was hooked up to an IV and sleeping soundly.  Jeremy told me that when it was time for the IV she simply help up her hand, they put it in, she said "It tickles" and then went back to sleep. 

Seriously.

That story makes me chuckle and cry at the same time.  Chuckle because that's my backwards daughter.  Throws a fit if her shoes aren't just right, but says an IV "tickles".
 
Cry because it was mostly likely nothing compared to the migraine pain.  It very well may have "tickled" in comparison.

Anyway around 2:45am they said it looked like she was stabilized and were going to send us home.  I asked that we stay until 3:15, as that would put us 15 minutes past the hour-mark for puking pattern that she usually follows.  She did great, slept the whole way.  They took out her IV, we signed the discharge papers and Sam asked for a drink of water (migraine was still going as she still couldn't open her eyes).

Within a minute she was vomiting again.

So, she got another IV (same routine- still said it tickled) and they decided to take a CAT scan.  I was actually very happy about this- a scan DURING a migraine.  Maybe it would give us some answers.

But it came back normal (that's good, right?)

Around 4:30 they wheeled her up to her room in the Ped's ward.  They got her into her bed and "pop" she opened her eyes.  Jeremy and I just melted with relief, as this is the "switch" that tells us the migraine is gone. 

We had to make sure the doctors orders for more meds were canceled and tried our best to explain that we knew she was ok now (and had to promise the nurse that she did, in fact, have a migraine 2 minutes ago).  Samantha was very charming and so excited about her own room and got to watch TV (the ultimate prize in her book). 

At this point my feet were puffy little pillows and my adrenaline rush was gone so my amazing mom (who was still with us!!!)  took me home while Jeremy stayed at the hospital to sleep while Samantha got her TV fix. 

Fast forward to 11:30am and Sam was back at home.  She had charmed the pants off the nurses and got some serious loot.  She came home with a new baby-doll with three outfits, a new set of PJ's (she's messed her clothes up), a Project Linus blanket and a princess book. 

The rest of the day was spent tag-teaming naps, follow-up with her doctor and game plan for where to go from here as far as her migraines go.  We'll be seeing a pediatric neurologist and a pediatric optamologist.  The latter is because Samantha has some noticeable light sensitivity on a regular day and when she has her migraines she says the pain is all in her eyes and she cannot open them or she starts to vomit immediately.

Aaaaaand that's all for now.  'Cause it's gonna be Wednesday in one hour.

A Day in Which I Decide to Wean

Oh, what a day.

I knew I was asking for it, announcing it on the internet and everything.

Sam was up a lot last night and woke up and


can you guess??













She puked.

I don't know if it was the dairy I tried 48 hrs earlier (the time it usually takes to get a reaction from her) or the bug that's been going around her friends and papa or just the change in the wind--I'm tired of guessing and feeling horribly guilty for something as simple as a bowl of ice cream.

The decision is not an easy one. I wanted to go as long as Sam wanted to, or at least 18 months for the health benefits. I enjoy it, Sam enjoys it, and I will miss it. I was trying to explain to Jeremy the connection I'll be losing,

"It would be like if we could never hold hands again. Yes, we could kiss and hug and such- but no hand holding--you'd miss that connection, right?"

I feel very selfish for wanting to stop, but as my mom said (with a hearty laugh),

"Selfish? Kim, she has not been a typical nursing baby! She's had the food allergies, a hard time gaining weight, needed physical therapy, had the puking episodes, colic-- I'd say you've done very well!"

I still feel selfish, as all those reasons are reasons to keep nursing too.

But I'm just so exhausted.

And it was one thing when we were living just the three of us and the whole family was basically on my diet. But now there are five other people constantly eating/cooking/baking/ordering stuff I can't have. The simple thing of putting my butter on the food made for dinner keeps slipping people's minds and I end up having to make my own dinner at the last minute. --even if what IS for dinner is in itself dairy free. I've just started crying when everyone is called for dinner and when I ask if my butter was used I'd get,

"Oh, sorry Kim--I totally forgot!"

She'll be 15 months next Wednesday. We're already down to 3 feedings a day, so I'll be cutting one out every 2 days and finish with a nice cuddly nursing the morning of the 18th.

Then let the celebrations begin!

(Lasagna, chocolate martini, ice cream, Cola Cake at work...)

And a preview to tomorrow's post...

When I called work to tell them my baby had been puking all day and just puked all over me again (3 hrs til my shift started) the response I got was,

"So, did she puke on your uniform? Is that why you can't come in?"

Easter

I'm really no good at posting about holidays. Which is crazy, considering my family celebrates them all at least twice each.

Anyway, here's a quick Easter recap (Samantha's first!)

Sam was thrilled to get dressed up.
Daddy didn't know to put a onesie on underneath so she ended up naked half way through church due to the itchiness.

Jer napped, I ate some chocolate.

Lucy buzzed around on a bike my mom probably played on.

Sam played with some equally old toys
(the label on the box said "Playskool"- Days before spell check, I guess.)

She also put said old and filthy toys in her mouth.

And baby Kahlan watched.

Then we ate a delicious supper.
I couldn't resist and went wild on the dairy dishes.
(which was still a no-go)

Sam had her first trip to the park.

She l.o.v.e.d. the slide!


Trip # 47

Kahlan wasn't so much a fan.

Joel discovered he's outgrown the...things...(no clue what they're called)


Kahlan gave the things a shot.


Tried the horse swings,

the things,


and just went back to the slide.


The End.

Sweet Sickness

We learned the hard way that Sam is still severely intolerant of dairy last week.

Up-'til-3am-puking-watched-Baby-Einstein-fifteen-times-severely

I didn't drink the milk on purpose.
It was served to me mixed.
I thought with OJ.
(No, I'm not stupid,
the stuff was banana flavored and I wasn't paying attention).

On the bright side, she's discovered she likes cuddling.

Allergy/Planning Update

I thought I'd update how the whole food intolerance thing is going.

For future reference.

You know,
for when I need to slather some guilt on the child.
I don't want such details to get foggy!

Just a recap-
We were dairy/soy/beef/tomato/chocolate free.

When chocolate returned, I think I might have over-indulged. Just a bit. Gaining 5 lbs in a week is considered just "a bit" right?

When tomato returned I lived off Jer's spaghetti sauce for a week. When we ran out of noodles, I just ate it like a soup. Yes, it is that good.

When soy returned- oh, how the possibilities (and my waist) expanded.

We're still dairy and beef free. She's allergic to cows. Which is funny, considering how much she makes me feel like one.

Anyway, people have asked me many questions. Some more frustrating than others.

"Wait! Don't eat that- it has bacon...can you have bacon?"

(Um...as in cow bacon?...)

"This has (insert 10 non-dairy ingredients). Can you have it?"

(Well, like I just said- just dairy and beef...so yes.)

"Can you have olive oil?"

"What about garlic?"

????

I'm not sure what the thought process is, and I know everyone is just trying to be helpful, but seriously- is the category "dairy" that unknown? Do people really think things like olive oil and garlic are dairy?

People (especially fellow mothers of food-intolerant babies) have also asked me how I know what bothers her.

It's simple, really.

I'm either taking care of this child all day:

or this one:

On the planning front:

Back in April I had these "plans":

Have the baby before we move- yep, made it by 12 days.

Find an apartment for $550 a month (or less???)- um...kind of. $575 but got $700 worth of new furniture we were planning on purchasing anyway...

Babysit, waitress and tutor to replace teaching- Well...tutoring is going well. Certainly doesn't replace teaching, but $120-180/week for 4-6 hrs of work ain't bad, right? Shaklee is certainly getting there too!

Become certified to teach NFP- Let's see if we can make it the first year postpartum without getting pregnant again and then we'll revisit this goal, k? Not that it isn't working, so much as I'm not as diligent as I was pre-pregnancy.

New plans!

1) Be debt-free by Dec '11 (currently in the red 75K. 100% SallieMae--BLAH! Not sure how this is going to happen, considering we currently don't make that much in 3 years- so let's maybe re-label this as a wish?)

2) Hold off on baby #2 until debt free

God, I'd love it if your sense of humor made #1 happen sooner. Thanks!

Also, happy 1-year of blogging to me!

Eat Your Heart Out

Samantha is growing like a weed (finally!) and in 2 weeks I've been able to pack a pound on that little turkey. She's now 14 lbs!!
So, what have we been feeding her?
Check it out:

That's right. Home-made baby! I made carrots, squash, sweet potatoes, prunes, green beans and milk (um, yes milk counts--especially considering all the foods I avoid to make sure it's edible for her).

I'm not crazy, just trying to be thrifty. I had to crunch the numbers for myself (the math teacher in me will never die):
Gerber prunes are about $1. That's 5 oz for $1. A bag of dried prunes was $2.15 (and that was at the expensive grocery store). That one bag of prunes made over 22 oz of baby food.
Gerber: .20/oz
Homemade: .10/oz (rounding up)

So what, .10 right? She eats one a day. So, $36 a year. Still not impressive?

Right now she's eating Squash too- about 4 oz a day. I made 40 oz of squash from $2.69 worth of the actual food. You can buy 40 oz from Gerber for $10.69.

That's just under $300 a year in savings.

And that's not all. She also eats at least another 8 oz of food a day. I won't bother you with the math anymore but it's between $500-$1000 savings a year, depending on the food I make.

Anyway, I like to look at it as a job. Working 2 hrs every three weeks we essentially pocket $40-80. Not bad if you ask me.



I'd like to discuss the names of the foods I am feeding my offspring. I find it very interesting (and scary) how my first time touching a squash is when I make it for my daughter. I think it's the name that always deterred me. *Squash*

Seriously, who wants to eat something that sounds painful? I didn't even know the difference between butternut and acorn squash. But it's her favorite and I hope to incorporate it into our diet as well! I also take pride in the fact that she likes my squash better than Gerber's.

Making the food is really easy too. I'm talking easier than mac n cheese. There was a point in making the food that I felt like I should be doing something else to it. My hand kept instinctively going for the salt and other spices. For the most part you just wait, blend and freeze.

My little chomper is already showing signs of ADD, though. She gets so excited when she sees the food and eagerly opens her mouth. After the second bite she is arching her back, trying to see someone/thing behind her (even when no one is there). Then she will reach for desired person/thing (or just the empty floor). Sometimes she'll throw in a 90 degree head-tilt:
During all of which you must keep a constant supply of food coming to her mouth. It's like she's playing hide-and-seek with her mouth. Bite-hide-swallow...bite-hide-swallow...

I have to mention her favorite snacks, for baby-book sake (this is, after all, her baby book)
She loves Cherrios, Rice Husks, and water.

Yes, that's right. Water. She loves taking several gulps and then gasping for breath while the last mouthful trickles down the side of her face.

Oh! And allergy update: I'm down to just dairy-free! It's amazing how the world of food (and my waist) expands once soy is allowed.

One last moment I wanted to share:

Dinner Jer made for me. That's right! Eat your heart out baby!

Chocolate-Ban lifted

Praise God! I can have chocolate again! AND I discovered Red Clover- it carries Earth Balances' Soy/Dairy Free Buttery Spread (I think the grocer at Open Harvest thought I was crazy- he said they carried all their varieties. I said he was missing one.) Now, I'm a HUGE fan of butter- and I mean the real thing too (can't stand margarine). But this stuff is good!
mmmm...buttered toast how I missed you...

Along with the butter spread I found my new indulgence (and reason for the stopped weight-loss)

Notice the key words on the lid: "Soy Free" "Dairy Free"
tastes like chocolate ice cream mixed with coconut...mmmmm

Proof that when mommy is happy, everyone is happy!

CHEESE!!

I went to Open Harvest yesterday and the Heavens opened with a special gift, just for me:

I get to eat CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So what did I eat first with my new creamy gold?

Nachos!

Did I burn the cheese when making them?

Yes!

Did I eat them anyway??

You bet!!

3 months!

Samantha has been through the wringer her first 3 months!

She had a horrible and persistent diaper rash until she was 4 weeks old. Then we figured out she had food allergies (dairy, beef, tomato, chocolate and soy). Then her face eczema got so bad all she would do is claw at her face or rub it in our chests. And even when we figured this all out, she still would just cry.

Her colic really ended when she was 10 weeks old, but it wasn't until she was 11 weeks that I started to notice. She still was screaming, but only when it was time to sleep. When she was 12 weeks old and playing happily for an hour at a time by herself Jer and I realized she'd just developed a really bad habit of screaming when she was tired. That's all she knew! We would walk into our bedroom and as soon as we turned off the light she would start screaming.
For anyone out there who currently has a colicky baby, there isn't a cure. However, there are a few things we did that gave us some extra sleep now and then:

• Probiotics. We are still using these now. Samantha was jerking in her sleep, constantly waking herself up. This has helped, even post-colic!

• Soy/Dairy free diet- sucks, but helps the screaming while eating
  

• Hairdryer (we now use a white-noise maker)

• sleep training

• Get Help- but specifically from moms already in the the Colic Club. Samantha would sleep for 2 hrs at a time with my mom, simply because my mom has her own tricks and she was much less frustrated than me! (and the babies read your frustration)

On a lighter note:
We have the happiest and easiest baby now! It's amazing. I think we are enjoying her more than the average parent would simply because it is such a difference from what she use to be like!

• Samantha goes to sleep with minimal crying (now it's just protesting. Her last "protest" lasted 10 seconds)

• She sleeps in her bassinet

• She is currently sleeping in her woombie

• Really, the key word here is SLEEP. She is even sleeping wonderfully at night. We had a FIVE hour stretch last night! I just get giddy thinking about it!

• She will play by herself for over an hour at a time (as long as someone is in sight)

• She hates tummy time. Unfortunately, she's a little behind on the holding-her-head-up milestone. The last thing we wanted to do the past 3 months was do something that made her scream.

• She loves to read books (Lucy is her best reading buddy)

• When she's tired she rubs her eyes, curls up her legs, and shoves both fists in her mouth (she's given up on the thumb).

• She loves to cuddle

• She doesn't really cry anymore. Just pouts and protests. The pout is SO CUTE!

• Bath time is still a big hit (she goes nuts when I turn on the water)

• She is a big-time mama's girl. Jer had the flu last week and she saw me and only me for 4 straight days. Now she pouts big time when someone else (even Papa!) tries to hold/play with her.

Seriously, I could go on and on. She's just so much fun and cute!
* I'll post the video later, Blogger is giving me trouble and my Flip is broken :(

Colic (a reflection)

My mom said it perfectly on the phone to me while I was crying to her during one of my escapes to the grocery store, "It's like a club Kim. You have to be initiated to understand."

After weeks of either listening to my baby scream or the hairdryer on full blast I was filled with horrendous jealousy of those "other babies." The ones that were content to be held. The ones that slept for longer than an hour at a time. The ones that didn't make their parents break down crying in the middle of the night due to sheer exhaustion.

I wanted my baby to be "normal".

I wanted to be able to take the constant advice I heard from everyone to "sleep when she sleeps."

I wanted to be ABLE to sleep.

On the rare occasion that I had the courage (or stupidity?) to take Samantha to the grocery store, I felt like I was a horrible mother for being so angry at the strangers making comments like "Oh, how sweet! Enjoy this while you can!" (This, of course was before she'd start screaming.) I was so angry. Angry at God for doing this to us-- we had moved, started a new job and had a new baby. Why colic too?! I was angry at Jeremy--how dare he say he was tired when he was gone all day and didn't get up all night to feed her. I was angry at myself for not holding together better.





There was one piece of solace that I clung to when I was ready to give up. It stemmed from another comment my mother made on another tear filled phone call:

" You know Kim, it makes you think. This opens your eyes to other parents and maybe become a little less judgmental. My theory is that this is how babies suffer from Shaken Baby Syndrome."
This, of course, brought on another flood of tears. I had actually thought of that. Not shaking my baby- but that I could see how someone might just tip over the edge, slipping into an irrevocable moment of insanity out of weeks and weeks of endless frustration.
After hanging up the phone, because my own baby started crying again, I held on to her tight and cried along with her. I realized why we were given this baby. Not as a test or punishment. Not to change us in any way.

We were given this bundle of screams because He knew she'd be safe with us.

Rumbly in my Tummy

During a routine visit to my parents (for dinner, of course!) my mother had made her famous Ham and Noodles (with a delicious cream sauce), Garlic Bubble loaf (a family favorite for years), and my brother, his girlfriend and Jeremy were in the midst of a conversation about hamburgers, french fries and other such novelties that made my zucchini and squash dinner taste more and more bland. Finally I begged,

"Can we please stop talking about food I can't have?"

to which my brother responded,

"Sorry, Kim, sorry....so...hummus..."

*Sigh*

Up from 3am-5am with a very gassy baby.
Up at 7 again, screaming off and on til 10.
Squirmed and sweated and screamed and tooted til 12pm (not me, the baby)
FINALLY pooped and crashed at 1pm (again, the baby)

so long, chocolate, my sweet love...(this time, for me)

48-72 hrs off soy, 1 week off dairy

Yesterday:
2 hr morning nap
screamed for 1 hr
1 hr afternoon nap
screamed for 1 hr
30 min late afternoon nap
happy camper for 1 hr
fussed, cat napped
screamed 9-11pm

Today:
watched mommy in the kitchen for 1 hr
napped 1 hr
woke up wide eyed, pooped, nursed with minimal fussing and several smiles

why do I keep referring to myself in the 3rd person?

Living in the Moment

Sorry it's been so long, folks. Samantha has been very busy making sure she stays an only child for quite a while!
We've been living hour by hour the past two weeks. When I was living by weeks (the two-week-wait, "I'm x-weeks pregnant", "she's x-weeks old") I thought time went slowly.

Then we started counting by the hours:
"She slept x-hours (usually 1 or 2)"
"She ate x-hours ago"
"She's been screaming for x-hours"
"She's been working on a #2 for x-hours"
"She had a #2 x-hours ago."
"I've been off diary for x-hrs"

The past two weeks have felt like 2 months.
Infant food allergies run in the family, so it really is no surprise that Samantha is having issues- I was just hoping against hope she wouldn't! I was sort of in denial, but when I went to the lactation consultant (after a week of no sleep) and she read off the symptoms of a breast milk allergy (face rash, excessive gas, fussiness, blood in stools) I realized how miserable my baby has been.
So, in addition to no tomatoes (which I think was giving her her horrible and stubborn diaper rash) we are now off diary (which I don't think she is allergic to, but am holding out just in case) and soy (the newest theory).
The good news is that the baby weight is coming off!

We are now 24 hrs off soy, and will know more in another 24 to 48 hrs.
She was up every 2-hrs last night (a huge improvement)
Slept for an hour without being held this morning
Slept another hour in the car seat this afternoon (we usually just scream bloody murder) .

I feel like we should have a newsreel or something.

a rare moment caught on camera!24 hrs off soy and counting!